Oren Jay Sofer is the founder and Guiding Teacher of Next Step Dharma, an innovative online course focused on bringing the tools of meditation to daily life, and co-founder of Mindful Healthcare. He holds a degree in comparative religion from Columbia University and is a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner, a Certified Trainer of Nonviolent Communication and leads mindful communication retreats and workshops throughout the United States. His new book “Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach to Nonviolent Communication” is a practical guidebook for having more effective and satisfying conversations.

Communication is an important part of everyday life with speech being one of the most effective and widely used forms of communication. Words have the power to heal or destroy and it is up to the individual to determine what kind of vibe he or she wants to give out to the world. In the Introduction, Oren Jay Sofer writes that during his life’s journey, he has worked to integrate his understanding of Buddhist meditation and Nonviolent communication. The book as a whole is a collection of three distinct streams of practices: mindfulness, Nonviolent Communication and Somatic Experiencing (emphasizes the role of the nervous system regulation in resolving trauma). They are tools for deepening self-understanding and transforming habits of communication. The three steps of communication include: lead with presence, come from curiosity and care and focus on what matters. These steps form the basis of “Say What You Mean” and divide the book into four parts: The first step: lead with presence, The second step: ‘come from curiosity and understanding,’ The third step: ‘focus on what matters’ and ‘bringing it all together.’ Useful indices at the end include Notes by Chapter, Glossary, Resources and Index of Practices by Topic.

There is always room for improvement when it comes to communication. In “Say What You Mean,” Oren Jay Sofer offers the reader a practical and useful guide to improving this often overlooked but vital skill. In today’s volatile environment, it has become more important than ever to be able to communicate clearly and in a non-violent manner to ensure everyone is heard. The author has done an impressive job of laying out the elements of communication in simple and easy to understand terms. Highlights include ‘emotional agility’ in Part Three where it states that defining emotions is a critical part of communication and ‘the flow of dialogue’ in Part Four where the author summarizes the different components of dialogue: speak, listen and rest in presence. The chapters are peppered with practice exercises, Q and A from real people, principles and key points to summarize the material along the way. Especially helpful are the quick reference guides at the end: Summary of Principles and Useful Communication Phrases. “Say What You Mean” is recommended for readers who wish to improve their communications skills as well as their interpersonal skills while getting to know themselves.

“If you take nothing else from this whole book, I hope you will take with you the importance the intention to understand, to come from curiosity and care, has in your interactions.”

*The author received a copy of this book for an honest review. The views and opinions expressed here belong solely to her.