Tag: Oren Jay Sofer

Excerpt: ‘Your Heart Was Made For This’ by Oren Jay Sofer

‘Your Heart Was Made for This’ is the upcoming new book by Oren Jay Sofer. Courtesy photo, used with permission.

Oren Jay Sofer teaches Buddhist meditation, mindfulness, and communication internationally. He holds a degree in Comparative Religion from Columbia University, is a Certified Trainer of Nonviolent Communication, and a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner for the healing of trauma. Born and raised in New Jersey, he is the author of several books, including the best-selling title “Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach to Nonviolent Communication” and the latest “Your Heart Was Made For This: Contemplative Practices for Meeting in a World in Crisis with Courage, Integrity, and Love.” His teaching has reached people worldwide through online communication courses and guided meditations. Oren lives in the San Francisco Bay Area with his wife and son, where he enjoys cooking, spending time in nature, and home woodworking projects. “Your Heart Was Made For This: Contemplative Practices for Meeting in a World in Crisis with Courage, Integrity, and Love” will be released November 21, 2023 and is available for pre-order from Amazon.

“Your Heart Was Made For This: Contemplative Practices for Meeting in a World in Crisis with Courage, Integrity, and Love”- from the bestselling author of “Say What You Mean” and meditation teacher comes a pragmatic guide to living a life of meaning and purpose in a time of great social, environmental, and spiritual upheaval. Through touching stories, insightful reflections, and concrete instructions, Sofer offers powerful tools to strengthen our hearts and nourish the qualities that can transform our world. Each chapter guides you to cultivate a quality essential to personal and social transformation like mindfulness, resolve, wonder, and empathy. You will learn ways to find more choice and freedom in life, strengthen focus, sustain energy, and accomplish goals, identify burnout and take steps to renew yourself, imbue your daily activities with clarity and vitality, and respond more effectively to collective challenges.

Excerpt from “Your Heart Was Made for This: Contemplative Practices for Meeting a World in Crisis with Courage, Integrity, and Love” © 2023 by Oren Jay Sofer. Reprinted in arrangement with Shambhala Publications, Inc. Boulder, CO.

“Your heart was made for love: for connection, belonging, and meaningful relationship with other people, beings, and the earth. Your heart was made to give and receive; to know joy, purpose, and freedom. All of this is possible for you and for each of us. Yet painful emotions, ignorance, and oppressive conditions disconnect us from our hearts’ potential. The flow of this love has encountered obstacles from the beginning, but perhaps never more so than now. Our ancestors’ village was not the global village of the twenty-first century with its seemingly infinite complexities and pressures, nor did we evolve to engage with social media algorithms or constant alerts of tragedy. How do we reclaim our birthright to love while navigating a complex world in crisis? How do we make love our guide?

The Buddha long ago taught that we can shape our inner lives: “Whatever the mind frequently thinks upon and ponders, that will become its inclination.” Our thoughts, feelings, and intentions grow into habits and over time settle into our character. Contemplative practice roots itself in this power to mold the heart and thus renew ourselves. Today, we call this “neuroplasticity.” If we do not shape the heart, the world will do it for us, and the world does not have our highest welfare in mind.

The tide of modern society floods us with incessant pressures, demands, and desires. On a personal level, urgency, confusion, and fear spin us in a blur, grind us down, and sap our energy. On a global level, war, social unrest, and a growth-driven economy sweep through our communities, setting us on a course for violence and ecocide. It takes steady, continuous effort to swim against these currents, make choices based on our values, and turn the tide together.

We are living through a mass extinction of our own making. The climate crisis, the rise of fascism and the erosion of democracy, the COVID-19 pandemic, the ongoing trauma of injustice and oppression rooted in colonialism—these are our present reality. What will be our legacy? We are capable of beauty, but we destroy; we embody elegance, but are soaked in blood. Some days, it’s a lot just to get out of bed in the morning.

And, our actions matter, individually and collectively. Every action plants a seed. Some seeds bear fruit in this lifetime, while others lie dormant for generations. We harvest the fruit of our ancestors’ actions—for good and for ill— and our choices today shape the future.

How do we meet our challenges and choose wisely? To truly meet something is to encounter it with awareness, enter into relationship with it, and respond appropriately. How we respond when we contact pain, sorrow, and injustice? Do we become broken, embittered, lost, or frozen? Do we lash out in anger, fear, or hatred, adding fuel to the fire? Or are we able to find the balance and clarity to meet the suffering of our world with tenderness, wisdom, and skillful action?

Responding effectively depends on training the heart and developing inner resources. We may not recognize it, but we are always practicing something. Our thoughts, words, and actions shape us. Each one creates a trickle of water flowing downhill, carving a channel in the fertile soil of our heart and mind. If you practice feeling anxious, stressed, and agitated, you etch those grooves deeper. If you practice patience, kindness, and ease, with every moment you grow stronger. In fact, these heart qualities can become your default orientation so that, when hardships arise, you draw not on old reactions but on new strengths.

Like an ecosystem recovering its innate balance, when we stop adding pollutants and seed the proper species, the process of awakening begins to flower in our hearts. Nourishing the heart is joyful. Remembering our potential and aligning ourselves with our deepest vision for life can happen in any moment, and can be filled with lightness and beauty. This is contemplative practice.

Such practice cultivates reflective, critical awareness and explores meaning, value, and purpose. It includes the arts, ritual, storytelling, relationship, and meditation, and it can provide the strength and clarity necessary to engage skillfully with the immense problems of our times— to mourn what we have lost, heal what we can heal, and transform what calls for change. If we are to adapt and grow, if we are to survive and create a better world, we need inner resources to meet our challenges.”

Author Oren Jay Sofer. Courtesy photo, used with permission.
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Book review: ‘Say What You Mean’ by Oren Jay Sofer

saywhatyoumean
‘Say What You Mean’ is the intriguing new book by Oren Jay Sofer on improving communication skills. Courtesy photo, used with permission. 

Oren Jay Sofer is the founder and Guiding Teacher of Next Step Dharma, an innovative online course focused on bringing the tools of meditation to daily life, and co-founder of Mindful Healthcare. He holds a degree in comparative religion from Columbia University and is a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner, a Certified Trainer of Nonviolent Communication and leads mindful communication retreats and workshops throughout the United States. His new book “Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach to Nonviolent Communication” is a practical guidebook for having more effective and satisfying conversations.

Communication is an important part of everyday life with speech being one of the most effective and widely used forms of communication. Words have the power to heal or destroy and it is up to the individual to determine what kind of vibe he or she wants to give out to the world. In the Introduction, Oren Jay Sofer writes that during his life’s journey, he has worked to integrate his understanding of Buddhist meditation and Nonviolent communication. The book as a whole is a collection of three distinct streams of practices: mindfulness, Nonviolent Communication and Somatic Experiencing (emphasizes the role of the nervous system regulation in resolving trauma). They are tools for deepening self-understanding and transforming habits of communication. The three steps of communication include: lead with presence, come from curiosity and care and focus on what matters. These steps form the basis of “Say What You Mean” and divide the book into four parts: The first step: lead with presence, The second step: ‘come from curiosity and understanding,’ The third step: ‘focus on what matters’ and ‘bringing it all together.’ Useful indices at the end include Notes by Chapter, Glossary, Resources and Index of Practices by Topic.

There is always room for improvement when it comes to communication. In “Say What You Mean,” Oren Jay Sofer offers the reader a practical and useful guide to improving this often overlooked but vital skill. In today’s volatile environment, it has become more important than ever to be able to communicate clearly and in a non-violent manner to ensure everyone is heard. The author has done an impressive job of laying out the elements of communication in simple and easy to understand terms. Highlights include ‘emotional agility’ in Part Three where it states that defining emotions is a critical part of communication and ‘the flow of dialogue’ in Part Four where the author summarizes the different components of dialogue: speak, listen and rest in presence. The chapters are peppered with practice exercises, Q and A from real people, principles and key points to summarize the material along the way. Especially helpful are the quick reference guides at the end: Summary of Principles and Useful Communication Phrases. “Say What You Mean” is recommended for readers who wish to improve their communications skills as well as their interpersonal skills while getting to know themselves.

“If you take nothing else from this whole book, I hope you will take with you the importance the intention to understand, to come from curiosity and care, has in your interactions.”

*The author received a copy of this book for an honest review. The views and opinions expressed here belong solely to her.